Returning to Normal...

First I would like to thank you all for your prayers for my sweet little boy and our family during this last week. It was a little traumatic for all of us...most especially for Mr. A. He was able to come home on Thursday which was a huge blessing as I was desperate to have him home with me. He was still in lots of pain and it was so hard seeing him so sad. He has such a sweet and bright smile and really his joy is just contagious to all those around him. The first few days were hard for everyone as he was just so unsure of everything and was just scared that something would happen to his arm again. Sunday he started coming around a little bit and by Monday morning when he woke up, he was just like his old self...smiling, happy, and ready for a new day. What a blessing that was for this Mommy's heart. This was especially true since we were going to have to leave all day to a conference on Character and he would be staying behind with my friend Megan, who is also the nurse, and his best friend Cheste (not his real name but Mr. A's nickname for him). He ended up having a great day and we did as well. I won't go into a lot of detail because my posts always seem to be rather long as it is...but feel free to check out Character First for more information.

The conference though was at a beautiful hotel here in Guatemala called the Vista Real. Hubby and I actually spent our first night in that hotel as husband and wife. It was a beautiful hotel then, and it still was Monday when we went back. But, if I am honest with you all, it was a little bit hard for me. I have really been having a battle of the mind lately as things just keep happening lately in our family...thankfully nothing earth shattering or even family shattering but there have been a lot of little things that have made the days a little bit longer and a little bit less joyful. As I was sitting in that beautiful hotel, I just kept thinking about how I longed for some carefree days for this family. Days of just pure bliss for my family of 4...days to enjoy one another and enjoy this wonderful life we get to share together. Lately, though, it seems we are just getting by...and I hate living a life of just getting by. There is way too much to be experienced and enjoyed to just scoot by. However, as the husband and wife team was sharing with us about character, the wife took out a tube of tooth paste. She started squeezing it in the middle and of course tooth paste started leaking out. She used it as an example of how our true character usually comes out when life seems to be squeezing in around us. It hit home. Also, as I was walking the other day, one of my favorite songs came on by Chris Tomlin, "The Way I was Made." I will post the lyrics at the end of this post for you to reflect on, but it resounded with me as I was walking and even though I have a terrible singing voice (even worse with ear phones in my ears), I started belting out the words...not caring who could hear.

Sometimes life isn't always fun honestly...sometimes things just seem to keep squeezing in around us when all we want is "normalcy." I know that I often long for days of just drinking lemonade on a porch swing with my hubby and watching the sun set over the horizon as my children laugh and play together in the yard. But, really, most of life is made up of moments and situations that are hard and sometimes exhausting. However, if one looks closely, he could still find those moments of beauty and serenity...knowing that he has a God who loves him and that he can trust with his whole heart....a God who is good and loves us. So, I will leave you with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs as well as some pictures I snapped in the midst of all the "pressure" of the last week. My children are so beautiful...and I am so blessed!

My sweet boy with a smile even as they wheeled him out of the hospital and another one of him showing that even with a cast he can still strut his stuff!

My sweet girl proves that even if you don't have hair, you can still have style! So precious!

I love how much my children love each other!



"The Way I Was Made"
by Chris Tomlin

Caught in the half-light, I'm caught alone
Waking up to the sunrise and the radio
Feels like I'm tied up, what's holding me?
Just praying today will be the day I go free

I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Made in Your likeness, made with Your hands
Made to discover who You are and who I am
All I've forgotten help me to find
All that You've promised let it be in my life

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Horrible.No Good.Very.VERY.very.BAD.Day

Today was a really rough day...maybe one of the hardest days I have ever had. For sure the hardest parenting day I have ever had.

It started small in that Miss B. was just VERY fussy today because of her little teeth. They haven't popped through yet but I can definitely feel them under her gum. Anyway, she was so, so fussy. I couldn't even stop to go to the bathroom or eat or anything. She just wanted to cuddle and be held and be with Mommy really. I love loving on my baby, but I also have been having a few problems with my milk supply, so I have to be sure to make sure I am always getting lots and lots of water and enough to eat...which I often don't do, so then I started just stressing out about that and wondering if she was getting enough to eat...and to make a long story short I just was worrying and stressing about everything under the sun related to Miss. B. It was starting to wear on me a bit though by mid afternoon as I was just really tired and really just needing a moment to even eat a meal and I was starting to let my imagination run wild with all my fears and worries.

My sweet little boy though was being really patient and just trying to help Mommy in whatever he could, but he really wanted to go out to jump on the trampoline for a little while. I have never been a huge fan of him using the trampoline as I have always been scared of all the "what if's" but I have been trying to let go of my "hypochondriacism" and just not worry so much. Today though for some reason when he asked, I just had this "feeling." No words can really describe it... it was just like something wasn't right. I can see the trampoline from the bedroom where I was with Miss B. and I usually keep a very close eye on him when he is out there, but she soon started fussing again so I wasn't really watching as close...and of course that is when it happened. I am still not sure on all the details but all I know is that he fell while on the trampoline...not off of the trampoline. He fell on it. One of my girls was outside with them and shortly after they called me after they had carried him inside to his bed. But it was just.horrible.terrible.awful. He was screaming so loud...and I mean really screaming and crying and just begging me to make it stop hurting. I quickly called the nurse here on campus to take a look, and I was trying my best to figure out where the pain was mostly coming from. At that point though, it was hard to tell where the pain was coming from because everything was hurting. I knew though that it was his left arm and more specifically something with his elbow. The nurse felt like something was off also and said we should take him to the hospital. My husband and mother-in-law came with us quickly, and took him the hospital. I was so sad I couldn't go, but I knew my responsibility in that moment was to stay and be with my baby as she was also crying through most of this whole situation.

To make a long story a little bit shorter though, Mr. A. dislocated his elbow from the lower two bones as well as another piece of the elbow broke off and into pieces. He had to have surgery tonight to put some pins in and put the shattered pieces back together with the elbow...horrible. I have cried so much for him today...and of course done lots of praying...and I am so thankful to those of you that found out tonight that were praying also for us. As a mother, I just want to be there with him and I want to make it all better. That is how I also felt with Miss B. today...I just wanted to take away her pain. I hate that my sweet boy is having to suffer so...and I hate that he will still have to suffer some even though the surgery is over and went well. I want to take it all away. I want everything to be good and okay. But, through it all, the Lord has made me once again come face to face with my sin of worry and fear. I can worry and fear for my kids all I want...and worry about all that could happen to them or to our family. But, ultimately God is still in control. I am so thankful my son is okay and it wasn't worse than it was...although it still seems like a lot for my sweet boy. But, I know other children have suffered worse. More than that, I know that I serve a God that is still always good and still always faithful and still always worth my offerings of praise and thanksgiving. He is in control. He knew when Mr. A. woke up this morning what was going to happen...He knew and I know He never left him for one moment today.

My body is exhausted this late night...my eyes hurt from crying...my head feels like jello...and my heart is heavy. But, I serve a God who loves my family and loves me. He is with my sweet boy and my dear husband on this night and I am believing in Him to restore my precious little boy to complete health. Please keep praying for him and our family in this time...thank you sweet friends...

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His Death and Resurrection

Hello dear blogging friends! Happy Easter to you! What a glorious day we celebrate today...the day our Savior, Jesus Christ rose once again. The tomb was empty...the stone was rolled away...and our Savior broke the chains of death and rose again! Hallelujah! It makes me want to break out in song...He is risen! He is risen!

Those of you that have spent much time in Latin America may have experienced how crazy the people get this time of year with all their parades and ceremonies. Most of Guatemala shuts down. Semana Santa or Holy Week is a much bigger deal than Christmas around here. Some would say...well that is great. We should celebrate Jesus' birth but we should celebrate more His resurrection. I would agree, but unfortunately that isn't really the case. Friday and even in some places on Saturday, everything was completely closed and shut down. There were tons of ceremonies and processionals....to remember Christ's death. But, today...today where the victory lives...in His resurrection, life has gone on normally (not here at the orphanage of course but out there in the rest of the country). Yesterday, as we were driving through one small town, all the people were gathered in the street, and we could see smoke. I asked my friend what was going on, and she told me that they were burning Judas! I said, "What???" Yes, they are burning Judas. They apparently make a doll and the doll hangs himself from a tree like Judas did. They cut him down and burn him! I couldn't believe it....yet today...today, nothing!!! It all seems most absurd to me, but I must say that as I have been thinking, I have been wondering if I have given this day and really not the day but Jesus, His just dues. Do I celebrate this day as I ought...and really celebrate everyday that Jesus rose again. He conquered death. We have victory and eternal life because He broke the chains of death. His birth and his death and his miracles wouldn't matter if He had never risen...if His lifeless body still lay in that grave. It wouldn't matter. It matters...today matters because Jesus won...He conquered all. Even though sin still exists today, Jesus is coming back...He is coming back and unlike an action movie when we get to the climatic scene, we know who wins this battle. Jesus!!! He is the victor. Now don't get me wrong here. We have to talk about His death. We have to teach our children about what Jesus suffered...how He took our sin so that we could be washed clean by His pure blood. He was the ultimate sacrifice. What He did matters and we need to talk about it and remember it and thank Him for it...over and over and over again. But, His resurrection matters too and as far as I am concerned today is the day to party...to party with Jesus that He is alive. He is alive in my heart and the hearts of all those who have committed their lives to Him. He will reclaim what is rightly His. What a sight that empty grave must have been!

So today I say...come on celebrate, come on and celebrate, come on and celebrate the resurrection of our Lord! Here is the song I am busting my move to today! (Of course there are many other amazing and beautiful songs but this is the one Miss B. and I have been singing and the one I am teaching my little man!)

Celebrate Jesus Celebrate

Celebrate Jesus Celebrate
Celebrate Jesus Celebrate
Celebrate Jesus Celebrate
Celebrate Jesus Celebrate

He is risen, He is risen
And He lives forevermore
He is risen, He is risen
Come on and celebrate
The resurrection of our Lord

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Life lately

So this post is just going to be a little bit of this and a little bit of that...some of the randomness happening with our family as of late...

Found a new fruit...

Well, I didn't actually find a new fruit. I guess you could say I discovered an old one but figured out I liked it. Everyone was always telling me how good papaya was for me and my digestion and how great it was for the baby too as I am nursing. I am a good fruits and veggies eater but I just wasn't down with the papaya. However, I had never tried it with salt, lime juice, and pepita...I have no idea what pepita is in English but it is good stuff. Yummy stuff!


Like mother like daughter...

So we got a trampoline as a donation here at the orphanage and it is super fun. I was all ready to show off all my stuff and show the girls that I am not an old lady. We were all laughing and having a great time when it happened...all those years after laughing at my Mama for the same thing, it happened to me...that's right folks, I peed my pants! I am tellin' ya, no bladder control post babies. Woo...I was quite the sight!


Sunburns affect more than just the burned area...

So my dear little boy got a bit of a sunburn last week after playing outside so many days in a row. I forget that even their naturally tanned skin can still burn. Anyways, he walks in the kitchen after his bath and asks me what is for dinner. I inform him that it is some delicious potato soup. His response?? "Mommy, I can't eat soup. Soup is hot and it will hurt my sunburn!" He really doesn't like soup.

Babies change so fast...

My little pumpkin is changing so much and growing so fast! She is now a pro at rolling over (only from stomach to back so far but she can get half way from back to front). She also is "talking" up a storm. She has been saying things like "goo" and "ah goo" for several weeks now but usually only with prompting by others. Now she just lays in her bed and just talks and makes lots of noises. It is so fun. She has also started laughing at loud which is so great to hear. Her favorite song right now is surprising the "abc" song! It is hilarious. I am not a great singer but I love singing her lots of little songs here and there, but she loves when I sing her "abc!" So fun!

Last but not least...

So my dear friend Kara has challenged some of her friends to the 30 day challenge, and I am taking her up on it. I think it is going to be a big blessing to my hubby and my family! Here is the link to learn more. Let me know if you decide to do it with us, and I will be praying for you along your 30 day journey as well. Here is the link... http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/30DayChallenge.pdf

That is all from me for today folks...nightie night!

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Fight against the flesh

On this lovely morning, I have just finished a yummy breakfast accompanied by a very delicious cup of coffee. I can hear the babies outside playing, the sound of a saw cutting wood, and the birds singing outside. The sun is shining bright. My son is at school taking a "test" (he is only in preschool). My husband is buying more wood for a project here, and my sweet baby girl is sleeping soundly in her bed. My own heart is full and yet I feel very near tears. Mostly because I just feel so blessed.

I must admit though that the last few days I have been really struggling with the acceptance of my body post baby. I know this sounds incredibly superficial, but lets be realistic. I am sure most women out there that have had children have passed through moments of just wishing for a body they once had...or maybe they never had it and always struggled with insecurities and those insecurities became even larger post baby. Whatever the case, I am sure others out there can understand where I am coming from. Yesterday though, I came across these pictures as I was cleaning out my desk. It was a cd of pictures and when I opened it up to see which ones they were, I found them...they are from 2005.

Here I am baking chocolate chip cookies...I probably ate several after I finished as well as several bites of dough as I made them.

I am putting on the final touches to a cake that I also probably dug right into after I finished!

My first thought was "My goodness I was so skinny!" Then my second thought was "Someone bring this gal an elliptical machine so she can get back to that!" Even though I had already been working out for the last couple of months, let me tell you that I really stepped it up yesterday. I kept thinking, "Okay, bring it on...those favorite pair of jeans are going to make their appearance yet!" But, as my walk/run continued I started thinking first of my sweet baby girl and what a complete miracle she is. She is so beautiful and sweet and healthy and so very, very loved. What a blessing and honor it is to get to be her Mommy. I didn't just gain those extra pounds eating too much pound cake. They are from having a beautiful baby girl inside my belly for 9 months. There are so many women out there that are wishing and praying and really just begging the Lord to give them that opportunity, and I was spending my time wishing for a body that I had 4 years ago instead of reveling in the miracle of Miss B.'s life. Then after all of that thinking (I really did a lot of thinking), I started thinking about my husband and my other sweet little boy. I started thinking about my family in KC and my friends there. I started thinking about my family and friends here in Guatemala, and well those hormones started kicking in and my eyes started to water. I am so blessed. We are so blessed. I struggle so much with what I don't have...whether it is a size 4 body or my family and friends not living close by or an actual house for my hubby, kids, and I (more than just two rooms) or more time with them or less interaction with so many insects (fleas, bedbugs, mosquitoes, etc.) or more money to travel with my family or buy some new clothes or whatever...you name it and I have probably wished for it. I have so much...so much to be thankful for, so much to praise Jesus for. I am living with 14 beautiful girls that have seen so much more heartache and pain than I could ever imagine. One of them even said yesterday, "I love that picture of you when you were like 2 years old. You look like a little doll. I wish I had pictures from when I was a little girl." My heart just melted. I had two of the most amazing people on the planet as my parents. They loved me, cherished me, and gave me all that I could ever want or need. I have more pictures of my childhood than one person probably even needs.

I am kind of getting off on a soapbox now...but the point is this. Are we living a life of thankfulness? There is always more we could have or more that we want but are we thankful for the here and now? Also, do we spend as much time focusing on our relationship with the Lord as we do focusing on looking well or having all that we want? For those of you that are Mamas and Wives out there like me, are you being the kind of wife and mother that at end of our lives or when Jesus comes back whichever comes first, your husband can be so thankful for the kind of wife he had and that your children can say that their mother was the absolute best one out there. I saw this episode recently of Little House on the Prairie. It was from the first season, and in it, Laura has to give an essay at school. To make a long story short, it is an essay about her Ma. Oh how it made me cry! I long for my children to be able to say such loving and kind words about their Mama.

"Oh Lord may we focus on You. May our eyes and hearts be whole-heartedly fixed solely on You and may we be filled up with the desire to bring you glory and honor always. May we be wives, husbands, mother, fathers, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, and friends that bring you so much pleasure and joy because we are radiating your love. May we be like Moses when he came down from the mountain. May all that look to us see a glow because we are daily encountering the one and only living God. Thank you for your blessings and gifts. May we always be living lives of thanksgiving before You. Thank you for my sweet, sweet family...my godly husband and my beautiful children. You have been so good to me and I praise Your Name!"

My sweet family right after Miss B. was born!

My precious jewels...my funny man and my little pumpkin!

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Learning, studying, and becoming a parent

Okay so I am really on a roll now...two posts in one week! I am definitely making a comeback now! Look out world here I come..

So one of my family's favorite anecdotes is one revolving around Christmas 1990...wow that seems like such a long time ago! I was a bright-eyed third grader and my sister was the always outgoing and crazy first grader. It was Christmas morning and my sister woke up to find her very own mini band set...a guitar, an amp, and a microphone. She always had dreams of being a rocker. She was jamming in the background, singing as loud as she possibly could a song made up as she went along and there I am on the couch...slowly opening a very heavy, but not too large package of my own. Then the squeals of delight can be heard even over my sister's jam session. What was in that lovely package of mine you ask? A dictionary. It was a bright red, thick Webster's Dictionary. I was elated. Seriously, my parents might as well have given me a million dollars for all the excitement that ensued. I then proceeded to ask my parents to start giving me words...any word...I wanted to bust out the dictionary. They gave me the word diamond. I can still remember that.

What is the point of this anecdote you ask...besides just showing how dorky I really was?? Well, it is to say that I have always been a lover of learning. I loved school. I would check the mailbox faithfully every day during the month of August just to find out who my teacher was going to be in elementary school. I can still remember projects, dissections, or even just papers from Middle School. I still talk to many of my teachers from High School, and I still have notes from lectures in college. I love studying. I love learning. And, well I am not ashamed to admit that I love school. I guess that is why I always wanted to be a teacher. I never wanted to leave school, and even though I knew a teacher was already supposed "to know everything," deep down I realized it was just an act. Teachers get to keep learning just like the students do...and it is even more fun because they get to learn right along with their students.

I would say one of the hardest parts about coming here to Guatemala was giving up my dream of being a teacher. I can remember the night I cleaned out my beautiful 4th grade classroom. When I came home, my dad asked me, "How did it feel to give up the keys to your dream tonight?" I, of course, acted completely unaffected by the whole thing because I was trying to convince them (and probably a little bit of me too) that I was strong and ready to leave behind everything that I had ever loved to become a missionary in Guatemala. Now don't get me wrong, I am 100% convinced that I did the right thing. When God calls, if we don't answer with a resounding "YES LORD!" we are going to miss out big time...not to mention having to face all the consequences of living in disobedience, but it was still hard. And, if I am honest, every September, it is still hard. I miss going back to school...as a student and as a teacher.

But, these last few years, months and now especially these last few weeks, I have realized that I am both still a student and a teacher. I am a student of the language and culture here in Guatemala. I am still learning how to minister and love and just inspire children and teenagers that have seen more pain, hurt, and despair than most will ever even experience in a lifetime of watching drama movies or reading the daily newspaper. Now, I am learning what it means to be a parent. Sure, I knew how to change diapers and how to rock a baby to sleep. I knew how to entertain 4 year olds and make fun games out of nothing. I knew how to teach them discipline and responsibility. But, I am still learning how to teach them to be lovers of the Lord. I am still learning how to parent in a way that causes my children to realize that the only thing on this earth that has any lasting value at all is their relationship with Jesus Christ. I am trying to be the example to my daughters (my sweet little baby and my 14 beautiful teenagers that God has entrusted me for this season) of what a godly wife and mother looks like...what a godly woman running hard after the heart of Jesus looks like. I am trying to be the example to my son of what he needs to look for in his future spouse. I am still learning how to be the wife and helpmate that my husband needs. I am still learning how to die to myself every single day. It isn't easy. I am having to play the role of the student and the teacher at the exact same time with the exact same breath.

So even though I am not filling pages of notebooks with notes from some profound lecture, and I am not doing hours of research on some very interesting topic for a paper, and I am not preparing my own lessons and maps and activities, I am still a student, and I am still a teacher, and I am still in school....it just isn't the traditional kind of school. I may not get to pull out a fresh set of school supplies each year, but I get to go to school. I am so thankful for that. I am so thankful that God doesn't just give us all the answers right away. I am so thankful that I get to keep learning each day, and that He has given me this amazing opportunity to be the wife of such a strong, godly man, and the mother of 16 of the absolute coolest kids on the planet.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

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Blogging...say what??

I am not sure if anyone even reads my blog anymore as it has been more than a year since I have updated it, but I have decided that I want to try and give it another go. Most days my heart is just so full, and I have so many things running through my head but no outlet for it all...so we will try the blogging world once again. I did a few renovations, and I think things are looking better....at least much more like my personality, so here goes nothing....

Life has definitely been busy over the last year since I made my last post anyway. Our adoption is finally almost finished (at least that is what we keep hearing) so soon our son will officially be ours. Although he is becoming more and more like the both of us with every passing day...he definitely has more of my personality but he walks, talks, and just acts like his daddy. We all were able to go back to KC in November and December so I could give birth to sweet Miss B. It was an amazing time for all of us, and my family fell completely in love with Andy. It was such a blessed time for us, and I am so thankful the Lord made it all possible.

I am loving being a mother more and more everyday. I was telling my Dad just the other day that it is so much better than I even imagined. I always was longing for the day I would be wife. I couldn't wait to be married and to just pour into my husband. I always knew that someday I wanted to be a Mom, but it wasn't something I really spent a whole lot of time pondering. I was always surrounded by children, so my life felt so completely full in that area. Once God opened the door for us to adopt , I knew a whole other kind of love that I never imagined, and my heart skipped a beat every time I heard him call me "Mami." It was and has been one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Now having Miss B. as well just makes life even more fun and amazing and incredible and every other kind of flowery word I can use to describe pure delight and wonder. I love being a wife and now I can say I love being a Mother. I love, love, love it, and I pray everyday that I am a mother than continues to point my children towards Christ...always in all that I say and do that I am that example.

I will say though that the most surprising thing about parenting is the fear that accompanies it...at least the fear that constantly plagues me and that I continue to have to surrender to the Lord. I would say that fear has been my greatest struggle my whole life...prior to coming to know the Lord and after walking with Him. Matthew 6:34 was the very first verse I ever memorized as I knew that my worry and fear was and still is a sin. This battle with fear has waxed and waned over the years, but it definitely has been rearing its ugly head the last few years....first as I began to really make Guatemala my home then as the mother of my son and now as the mother of both of my beautiful children. I could pick a hundred different things any given moment of any given day of things I fear for my kids and for their life and for their future. It is a constant battle, constant struggle, but it has been all the more of a reason to make sure I stay in the Word...and that every day I lay down my family...my husband and my precious children, our future, their future, our lives, our health, our safety, etc. at the feet of Jesus in the same way Abraham did Isaac and Hannah did Samuel....always remembering that they are the Lord's and His alone. He has only entrusted them to me and I would be doing them a great disservice if the example they learned from me was one of fear and worry and not one of faith and trust.

Until next time bloggers....

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