Because I just can't take it anymore...

First of all, I just want to say thank you…thank you for taking the time to stop in and read this blog. I know that there are like thousands of them out there these days vying for your time, and I also know that nothing I am saying here is especially unique or original, so thank you. Thank you for having even a remote interest in my little corner of the internet.  

This blog has kind of become a dear friend to me these days. I feel a bit over stimulated with everything happening all around me, so this blog is where I kind of digest and process it all.   

Lately, though, I haven’t really wanted to digest at all. I have just wanted to tune it all out.  It all seems so loud and obnoxious…everything going on in the world that I just want to turn it off.  Walk away.  Ignore it all.

The thing is I am sad.  And mad. I am smad.  (What TV show or movie is that from?  Oh man that is going to bug me.)

There is so much fighting these days.  There is so much hate. There is so much pain.  I know every generation could probably say the same thing, but really guys…don’t you see it too?  Doesn’t it seem like we have reached new heights in our wars of words.  I think the internet has made it all worse.  People can just toss things out there without having to face the repercussions that they might have to deal with if they said those things in real life. 

And do you want to know what I think is the worst part of it all?  We Christians are a major part of the problem.  We hide behind bible verses and make excuses for our lack of a filter with statements like “We have to defend [insert cause].” “They need to be aware that what they are doing is a sin.” “We have to stand up for what is right.” “Their theology is completely messed up.” “Jesus never would have done/said that.” “They are way too liberal.” They are way too conservative.” 

Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah.


I am sick of it.

I am so tired of it that it is keeping me awake at night.

I am scared for my kids and constantly asking God to grant me wisdom as parent them and lead them.  That world out there is cruel.  I want my kids to not only learn how to develop a tough skin so that they aren’t constantly hurt by it all, but I also want them to be a light in the madness and not a participant.

So I want to drown out the chaos and noise. I want to ignore it and pretend it isn’t there because my heart is just aching at the way we are treating each other.  

But, I know that if I turn it off then I am going to start to be indifferent to it all.  

And that to me is one of the worst places in the world to be.  

Dietrich Bonehoeffer is one of my heroes.  I devoured his biography a couple of years ago and am ready to dive in again.  I admire so many things about him.  I even wrote a whole post a couple of years ago just about him!  But this is what he had to say about the folks that try to be good people and go to church and do their thing without really taking an interest in the needs and hurts of those around him.  

“Such people neither steal, nor murder, nor commit adultery, but do good according to their abilities. But…they must close their eyes and ears to the injustice around them. Only at the cost of self-deception can they keep their private blamelessness clean from the stains of responsible action in the world. In all that they do, what they fail to do will not let them rest. They will either be destroyed by this unrest, or they will become the most hypocritical of all Pharisees.”

Sobering words.

So no I can’t tune it all out.  I am called to action.  I know sometimes action will require me joining the picket lines so to speak.  Other times it will mean holding my tongue when all I want to do is speak out.  

But how am I to know for sure?  How do I know when to fight and when to stand down? How do I stand up to so many of the injustices I see all around me without becoming part of the noise and chaos myself? How do I lead my kids and teach them what it looks like to really…and I mean really love their neighbor?  

I don’t know what those answers are for you, but this is what I have felt like the Lord has been saying to me.

“Love me Sara.” “Know me Sara.” “See my heart Sara.” “Walk in my steps Sara.”  

Oh Jesus that I may know you more! 

You see friends sometimes I get confused by it all.  I don’t always have all the answers.  I don’t have perfect theology.  I may not fall on the correct side politically.  I may be too conservative. I may be too liberal.  I may be too quiet. I may be too loud.  I may be a lot of things.

But at the end of it all, I want people to say, “Sara loved like Jesus. She was a light in the darkness.”  I don’t want them to say that because I am something great. I am just plain old ordinary Sara. 

But, my Jesus….He is Great.  He is so great, and I want the world to see Him and know Him and love Him.

Maybe then the madness will stop.  And instead of fighting we will start loving.  We won’t be face to face in battle but hand in hand in friendship. We will start striving to change things like human trafficking and poverty and lack of clean water instead of fighting about who is right and who is wrong. 

We are in this together. 

Kids are going into schools and shooting other kids.  Malls are no longer safe.  Movie theaters aren't safe.  Our own front yards aren't safe.

We throw up our hands and cry and pray for it to be different.  But, yet we adults are throwing internet stones at each other every day and degrading each other with words and trying to pass laws only meant to hurt and exclude.  

We aren't any better.  

We are the example of hate.


I beg of you.   Let's make it stop.

I am starting by spending my time only in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) right now.  Obviously I love the entire Word of God, but right now I just want to know Jesus better. I want to know Him more.  I want to fellowship with Him.  And the best way I can think of doing that is to just sit with Him for a while.

Because oh baby did my Jesus know how to love.  He loved.  He is, was, and will always be the ultimate example of love.
Who is with me?  Let’s let Jesus’ light shine my friends.  

No more hate.
No more sides.
We have to do this together.


Fling Open the Door

“But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through US spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere.  For WE are the AROMA OF CHRIST to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God’s word, but as men of sincerity, as COMISSIONED BY GOD, in the sight of God we speak in Christ.”
-2 Corinthians 2:14 – 17

I know most people start a new year with a list of their “New Year’s Resolutions.” It is the number one reason why fitness centers gain more new clients usually in the months of January and February than any other time of the year.  (At least that is what I heard!) 

I, for one, haven’t really been a fan of them….and I hardly ever make any.  It isn’t that I am against the idea of making changes in a new year or evaluating the year past.  But, I am a bit of a perfectionist so unless I am 100% certain I am actually going to follow through with my new goal, I would rather just not even make it!  My husband would totally roll his eyes if he could hear me now.  I am not trying to market my method…it is just been my way.  Of course, thankfully, I do have a lot of drive so I have been able to make changes over the years and improve certain areas of my life.  I guess I just don’t really want a list somewhere staring me in the face! 

This year though was a little bit different for me.  2013 was a hard for us…maybe not hard but definitely challenging.  It required big, heavy doses of faith and a lot of patience… a lot of waiting.  There were moments of much confusion…moments of wanting to “throw in the towel.” 
But it was also beautiful.  We learned.  We grew.  We were transformed.  We saw God and experienced firsthand His power and mightiness.  

As I looked towards 2014, though, I was paralyzed for a time with nervousness.  When we experience more of God, we can never stay the same.  When we gulp big delicious tastes of God, we are transformed.  

It is like when Lucy first came back out of the wardrobe in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.  Once she stepped back out of the wardrobe after experiencing Narnia, she was not the same. 

And what was her first action once stepping out?

She had to tell her siblings.

“What do you mean, Lu?” asked Peter

“What I said,” answered Lucy.  “It was just after breakfast when I went into the wardrobe, and I’ve been away for hours and hours, and had tea, and all sorts of things have happened.”

“Don’t be silly, Lucy,” said Susan. “We’ve only just come out of that room a moment ago, and you were there then.”

“She’s not being silly at all,” said Peter, “she’s just making up a story for fun, aren’t you Lu? And why shouldn’t she?”

“No Peter, I’m not,” she said. “It’s---it’s a magic wardrobe. There’s a wood inside it, and it’s snowing, there’s a Faun and a Witch and its called Narnia; come and see.”

The others did not know what to think, but Lucy was so excited that they all went back with her into the room. She rushed ahead of them, flung open the door of the wardrobe and cried, “Now! Go in and see for yourselves.”
(Excerpt taken from chapter 2 of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis)

I know it may sound silly but this passage from this wonderfully written children’s book brings tears to my eyes.  That is exactly how I felt coming into 2014 after leaving 2013…like I needed to fling open the door to 2014 and invite everyone in to come and see for themselves!

But how?  How can I invite others in?  How can they see?  How will they know?

And God brought me back to this very blog and its name.  

Fragrant Aroma.

I must be a fragrant aroma.  

But what does that mean?  How can I be a fragrant aroma?  


Love well.

I must learn to love well.  

By nature I am “a lover not a fighter.” But I think as we get older, and we experience more rejection and hurt, we tend to put up barriers.  Or at least that is what I have done.  I open up, I love, I embrace, I give…but when it is safe…when it is easy…when the cost isn’t great

But, 2014 I want to love with abandon. 

I want to love strong. I want to love deep.  I want to love well.

This means thinking less of me. 

It means giving up more.

There will be sacrifice.

There will be tears.

There will be heart break.

Because if I love with abandon, then I have no concern for the consequences…for the outcome. 

My heart and keeping the pieces all together isn’t my worry.

Now thankfully I have a God that cares deeply for my heart.  So I know it is in good hands.

But, this year, I want to be about love.

Because it is by this that the world may know my God.  

If I don’t love well, how can I ever speak with authority on the Great Love of my God.

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love…If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, HE IS A LIAR; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.”
-1 John 4: 7, 20

Guess what, though? 

This isn’t about just loving well our family and our friends. Of course, we are to love them well…always without question.

But this is bigger than just loving those that belong to us with abandon.

We must love those that are hard to love…those who may not offer back their hand of friendship…those who have no desire or need for our love. 

We must love even when it may hurt.  Even when it may mean heartbreak.  Even when we don’t want to.

Because I am flinging open the door to 2014, and I am saying, “Come in and see!  Come taste of the love and the power and the greatness of my God.”
But this is how they will know I speak truths…

When I love.

Join me, won’t you?

Let 2014 be the year that we stop judging, we stop criticizing, we stop holding back in fear.

Let 2014 be the year that we say “NO MORE” to the barriers and lines and walls that so often separate. 

Lets tear ‘em down friends.

Break them down.

And love.

Love with abandon.


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Some bits and bobbits about this blog...

This blog is mostly just ramblings by yours truly. I talk about my ups and downs being a wife, mother, and missionary in Guatemala. I have a tendency to get off on "soapboxes" as those who love me say but it is my desire that this blog can be a place of encouragement in each of your pilgrimages with Christ. At any moment if this blog becomes more about me than about Christ, than it will be done and please help me stay accountable. To God be all the Glory, Honor, and Power!

Books I am currently reading...

  • Eight Twenty Eight
  • Interrupted
  • The Connected Child
  • This Momentary Marriage
  • Unbroken

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