when all you see is darkness...

This week has been dark.  It has been really hard.  I have wept as if someone died.  I have come face to face with depravity.  I have seen how broken, ugly, and painful this world really can be.  I have seen how easily the enemy can grab ahold and twist things and turn things and just turn his lies into what others want to hang onto as truth.

Oh the tears I have cried. 

Jesus help us.

Its so hard seeing so much pain day after day after day and wondering if there is ever going be an end to it.  It is hard trying to convey hope to those brokenhearted and weary when everything else they have ever put their hope into has failed them.  Of course, I know Jesus will never ever fail them.  But, its really hard for someone like me, who to many of these kids and youth has had it all, to communicate that with them.  They hear the words but it’s hard for the words to penetrate to their hearts. 

Deep down I am sure their thoughts run something like this

“Who are you to stand there and tell me God is good after I watched my parents murdered right in front of me?

“Who are you to tell me that God is just when I was sold by my own mother to man after man before I was even old enough to understand what sex even is?

“Who are you to tell me that God loves me when all I heard from my father day after day was that he and my mother never wanted me and that I was worthless?

“Who are you to tell me that God will provide for me when I was having to steal from the market every morning just to have a little bit of food in my belly?

And you guys it breaks me.  It literally breaks me. 

I have been doing this for 12 years now, but this week, I finally came off my high horse and just came down and wept.  I wept for these stories.  I wept for these families.  I wept for these young ones that may be nearing adulthood but are still just babies really. 

I know my God is good and just and loving and will provide.  And I also know that He saves. 

But there is an enemy prowling around looking to devour.  He wants to kill.  He wants to steal.  He wants to destroy.

So I had no words for them.  My words will never be enough.  I have to allow Jesus to work in me in such a way that they can see it.

What I did say was this

I stood before them and I said, If the enemy wants to get to you, he is going to have to go through me first.

I meant it. I meant every word.

But, now I am living it.  And I am scared.  I have seen how he is sneaking in and trying to steal, kill, and destroy all I hold dear.

I am shaking.  But, I am standing. 

Because Jesus won.  He won that battle.  The victory is His.  I know that if the enemy wants to get to me then he will have to go through HIM first. 

But, friends I plead with you to pray.  Pray, pray, pray.  Don’t just pray for me, although I would covet any prayer you offer on my family’s behalf and mine.  Pray for those that are truly living a hopeless life.  Pray for those that can only see darkness.  Pray for those that have only seen hurt and pain and war and suffering. 

Yes, please still eat, drink and be merry. I am not asking you to stop living a life of joy.  In fact, I highly encourage you to be fighting to live a life of joy everyday. 

I am just asking you to not forget the least of these.  They are everywhere…not just in Guatemala.  They are on your street.  They are in your schools. They are at your job.  They are in your churches.  Open your eyes and you will see that they are right there.

And they need someone to stand in the gap for them too. 

They can’t fight for what they don’t know.  You are going to have to do it for them.


I wrote this on my Facebook page a few days ago.  I wrote it for myself as a reminder because I was feeling so desperate and lost.  But, may it be truth for all of us.

Sometimes all you see is darkness, but look above because God is light.
Sometimes our pain shrouds the truth, but the truth is God is good.
Sometimes we don't know why, but we know the WHO so we put our trust and faith in Him even when we don't know why.
Sometimes life is hard, but life is only temporary.
God is good. He is faithful. He was and is and is to come.

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory BEYOND ALL COMPARISON as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." -2 Corinthians 4:16-18


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Some bits and bobbits about this blog...

This blog is mostly just ramblings by yours truly. I talk about my ups and downs being a wife, mother, and missionary in Guatemala. I have a tendency to get off on "soapboxes" as those who love me say but it is my desire that this blog can be a place of encouragement in each of your pilgrimages with Christ. At any moment if this blog becomes more about me than about Christ, than it will be done and over...so please help me stay accountable. To God be all the Glory, Honor, and Power!

Books I am currently reading...

  • Eight Twenty Eight
  • Interrupted
  • The Connected Child
  • This Momentary Marriage
  • Unbroken

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