10 years

 It has been 10 years…

10 years since I first stepped onto the sweet soil called Guatemala

10 years since I first lay on eyes on the children of CB

10 years since this place and these children started running through my blood

10 years since God radically changed me and imprinted the names and faces of these sweet children forever on my heart

10 years since I realized that all I had dreamed was only a shadow of what God had in store for me

10 years…

I just can’t believe it.  Where did the time go?  I have now officially loved this place, this land, these people, and this ministry for a third of my life.  They are now so much a part of me that I can’t really remember my life without them. Sometimes I lie in my bed at night and wonder how it happened.  Why did God chose me?  I wasn’t really a likely candidate.   I am not necessarily “missionary” material.  Why me?  He easily could have chosen someone else…someone better suited for the job.  Why me?

I am a homebody. I hate change.  New experiences practically make me break out into hives.  Fear has been my almost constant companion for 30 years.  I am not great in large groups.  I like my space and privacy.  I love my family and never wanted to even live more than a mile away from them.  I like routine. I struggle with being flexible. Worry and I go way back.  I am a hypochondriac.  Bugs, rodents, and any other creepy crawlers make me shiver.

I could keep going, but I am guessing you get the drift.  Basically if you looked up the definition of “missionary” in the dictionary, you most certainly wouldn’t find my name.  I don’t fit that mold.  And yet somehow in spite of all those things God called me.  He chose me.  He brought me.  He took me out of my little idealistic world and home in a suburb in middle America, and He landed me right here in Guatemala.  It doesn’t make sense.  

But I am so thankful He did.  

Today I read this little gem and it made me smile…

“When the call of God sears a hole through your self-protectiveness, you go wherever He leads whether or not you feel like you fit.” –Beth Moore in the bible study James

That is exactly how I feel about living here in Guatemala.  Yet here I am.  Here I am.  And oh how thankful I am for it. 

 Do I miss my family?  Of course I do!  Do I miss my life and independence?  Most certainly.  Do I still mourn the dreams I dreamed so long as a child?  More often that I would like to admit.  Do I still feel incredibly uncertain and unfit for my life here?  Absolutely.

But here I am.  

So today I challenge you to give your dreams to God…your hopes, your expectations, your weaknesses, your doubts.  Surrender it all to Him.  Because truly our dreams are just a shadow of the reality of what He can do in our lives.  You may feel like you are completely unfit for anything besides what you are doing right now.  But, I bet you are wrong.  I bet there is much more He can and will do if you would let Him.

I have ten years of proof to show you.