Fight against the flesh

On this lovely morning, I have just finished a yummy breakfast accompanied by a very delicious cup of coffee. I can hear the babies outside playing, the sound of a saw cutting wood, and the birds singing outside. The sun is shining bright. My son is at school taking a "test" (he is only in preschool). My husband is buying more wood for a project here, and my sweet baby girl is sleeping soundly in her bed. My own heart is full and yet I feel very near tears. Mostly because I just feel so blessed.

I must admit though that the last few days I have been really struggling with the acceptance of my body post baby. I know this sounds incredibly superficial, but lets be realistic. I am sure most women out there that have had children have passed through moments of just wishing for a body they once had...or maybe they never had it and always struggled with insecurities and those insecurities became even larger post baby. Whatever the case, I am sure others out there can understand where I am coming from. Yesterday though, I came across these pictures as I was cleaning out my desk. It was a cd of pictures and when I opened it up to see which ones they were, I found them...they are from 2005.

Here I am baking chocolate chip cookies...I probably ate several after I finished as well as several bites of dough as I made them.

I am putting on the final touches to a cake that I also probably dug right into after I finished!

My first thought was "My goodness I was so skinny!" Then my second thought was "Someone bring this gal an elliptical machine so she can get back to that!" Even though I had already been working out for the last couple of months, let me tell you that I really stepped it up yesterday. I kept thinking, "Okay, bring it on...those favorite pair of jeans are going to make their appearance yet!" But, as my walk/run continued I started thinking first of my sweet baby girl and what a complete miracle she is. She is so beautiful and sweet and healthy and so very, very loved. What a blessing and honor it is to get to be her Mommy. I didn't just gain those extra pounds eating too much pound cake. They are from having a beautiful baby girl inside my belly for 9 months. There are so many women out there that are wishing and praying and really just begging the Lord to give them that opportunity, and I was spending my time wishing for a body that I had 4 years ago instead of reveling in the miracle of Miss B.'s life. Then after all of that thinking (I really did a lot of thinking), I started thinking about my husband and my other sweet little boy. I started thinking about my family in KC and my friends there. I started thinking about my family and friends here in Guatemala, and well those hormones started kicking in and my eyes started to water. I am so blessed. We are so blessed. I struggle so much with what I don't have...whether it is a size 4 body or my family and friends not living close by or an actual house for my hubby, kids, and I (more than just two rooms) or more time with them or less interaction with so many insects (fleas, bedbugs, mosquitoes, etc.) or more money to travel with my family or buy some new clothes or whatever...you name it and I have probably wished for it. I have so much...so much to be thankful for, so much to praise Jesus for. I am living with 14 beautiful girls that have seen so much more heartache and pain than I could ever imagine. One of them even said yesterday, "I love that picture of you when you were like 2 years old. You look like a little doll. I wish I had pictures from when I was a little girl." My heart just melted. I had two of the most amazing people on the planet as my parents. They loved me, cherished me, and gave me all that I could ever want or need. I have more pictures of my childhood than one person probably even needs.

I am kind of getting off on a soapbox now...but the point is this. Are we living a life of thankfulness? There is always more we could have or more that we want but are we thankful for the here and now? Also, do we spend as much time focusing on our relationship with the Lord as we do focusing on looking well or having all that we want? For those of you that are Mamas and Wives out there like me, are you being the kind of wife and mother that at end of our lives or when Jesus comes back whichever comes first, your husband can be so thankful for the kind of wife he had and that your children can say that their mother was the absolute best one out there. I saw this episode recently of Little House on the Prairie. It was from the first season, and in it, Laura has to give an essay at school. To make a long story short, it is an essay about her Ma. Oh how it made me cry! I long for my children to be able to say such loving and kind words about their Mama.

"Oh Lord may we focus on You. May our eyes and hearts be whole-heartedly fixed solely on You and may we be filled up with the desire to bring you glory and honor always. May we be wives, husbands, mother, fathers, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, and friends that bring you so much pleasure and joy because we are radiating your love. May we be like Moses when he came down from the mountain. May all that look to us see a glow because we are daily encountering the one and only living God. Thank you for your blessings and gifts. May we always be living lives of thanksgiving before You. Thank you for my sweet, sweet family...my godly husband and my beautiful children. You have been so good to me and I praise Your Name!"

My sweet family right after Miss B. was born!

My precious jewels...my funny man and my little pumpkin!