Horrible.No Good.Very.VERY.very.BAD.Day

Today was a really rough day...maybe one of the hardest days I have ever had. For sure the hardest parenting day I have ever had.

It started small in that Miss B. was just VERY fussy today because of her little teeth. They haven't popped through yet but I can definitely feel them under her gum. Anyway, she was so, so fussy. I couldn't even stop to go to the bathroom or eat or anything. She just wanted to cuddle and be held and be with Mommy really. I love loving on my baby, but I also have been having a few problems with my milk supply, so I have to be sure to make sure I am always getting lots and lots of water and enough to eat...which I often don't do, so then I started just stressing out about that and wondering if she was getting enough to eat...and to make a long story short I just was worrying and stressing about everything under the sun related to Miss. B. It was starting to wear on me a bit though by mid afternoon as I was just really tired and really just needing a moment to even eat a meal and I was starting to let my imagination run wild with all my fears and worries.

My sweet little boy though was being really patient and just trying to help Mommy in whatever he could, but he really wanted to go out to jump on the trampoline for a little while. I have never been a huge fan of him using the trampoline as I have always been scared of all the "what if's" but I have been trying to let go of my "hypochondriacism" and just not worry so much. Today though for some reason when he asked, I just had this "feeling." No words can really describe it... it was just like something wasn't right. I can see the trampoline from the bedroom where I was with Miss B. and I usually keep a very close eye on him when he is out there, but she soon started fussing again so I wasn't really watching as close...and of course that is when it happened. I am still not sure on all the details but all I know is that he fell while on the trampoline...not off of the trampoline. He fell on it. One of my girls was outside with them and shortly after they called me after they had carried him inside to his bed. But it was just.horrible.terrible.awful. He was screaming so loud...and I mean really screaming and crying and just begging me to make it stop hurting. I quickly called the nurse here on campus to take a look, and I was trying my best to figure out where the pain was mostly coming from. At that point though, it was hard to tell where the pain was coming from because everything was hurting. I knew though that it was his left arm and more specifically something with his elbow. The nurse felt like something was off also and said we should take him to the hospital. My husband and mother-in-law came with us quickly, and took him the hospital. I was so sad I couldn't go, but I knew my responsibility in that moment was to stay and be with my baby as she was also crying through most of this whole situation.

To make a long story a little bit shorter though, Mr. A. dislocated his elbow from the lower two bones as well as another piece of the elbow broke off and into pieces. He had to have surgery tonight to put some pins in and put the shattered pieces back together with the elbow...horrible. I have cried so much for him today...and of course done lots of praying...and I am so thankful to those of you that found out tonight that were praying also for us. As a mother, I just want to be there with him and I want to make it all better. That is how I also felt with Miss B. today...I just wanted to take away her pain. I hate that my sweet boy is having to suffer so...and I hate that he will still have to suffer some even though the surgery is over and went well. I want to take it all away. I want everything to be good and okay. But, through it all, the Lord has made me once again come face to face with my sin of worry and fear. I can worry and fear for my kids all I want...and worry about all that could happen to them or to our family. But, ultimately God is still in control. I am so thankful my son is okay and it wasn't worse than it was...although it still seems like a lot for my sweet boy. But, I know other children have suffered worse. More than that, I know that I serve a God that is still always good and still always faithful and still always worth my offerings of praise and thanksgiving. He is in control. He knew when Mr. A. woke up this morning what was going to happen...He knew and I know He never left him for one moment today.

My body is exhausted this late night...my eyes hurt from crying...my head feels like jello...and my heart is heavy. But, I serve a God who loves my family and loves me. He is with my sweet boy and my dear husband on this night and I am believing in Him to restore my precious little boy to complete health. Please keep praying for him and our family in this time...thank you sweet friends...