The first time...
Do you remember the first time you came to know Christ? What it felt like? How you felt every time you opened His Word or went to church?
I have been thinking about it lately. I remember my first years walking with the Lord very vividly. I LOVED reading my Bible. Seriously, I would spend hours and hours reading and just soaking up every word of it. I remember the first time I read 1 and 2 Samuel and then later 1 and 2 Kings. I had always heard that the Old Testament was kind of boring, but my heart just came alive reading the stories...some of faithfulness and some of pure disobedience. It was while reading those books that I decided that I would name one of my boys Josiah...first or middle name it didn't matter, but someday I was going to name one of them Josiah after King Josiah. I also remember how Hannah's struggles to conceive and her faithfulness after she had Samuel so touched me. Oh there was so many nuggets to discover! I was so excited, and I just couldn't get enough of it. I can remember vividly sitting one day on my bed reading and reading (in 1 Kings) and it was time to go...I just didn't want to stop. I was desperate to get back home and finish. Then, after reading for hours, I would spend more time journaling...filing pages with all of God's truth and all the little insights He gave me. I still have tubs full in KC of those journals.
Somewhere along the line, though, I am sad to admit that passion and just yearning for God's Word faded a bit. Last night at our women's meeting, we were talking about this very thing. The woman sharing was taking us through Song of Solomon...not the whole book but layers of love...the "etapas" or stages it passes through. I was broken as I realized how my love for my God...my husband, my beloved, my lover has wained a bit the last few years. I could probably say at first that it is because I am much busier now, and I have more things trying to steal my time each day...and if I said these things, they would be true. But, I know that deep down the reason for this change is that I have allowed vain things of the world to fill gaps that my Husband, my Lord is longing to fill. Instead of being in the world but not of the world, I have been trying to walk the fine line between the two. Much of this happened I believe as I battled through homesickness this past year. I allowed trivial things to give me that quick fix of home...movies, TV shows on DVD, music. When I think back to those early years of knowing Christ, I didn't spend much time at all doing any of those things. I used the free time I had with Him. I am not saying that music, movies, and TV are bad in and of themselves...but for me, they have been robbing me...robbing me of time, robbing me of passion, robbing me of true contentment.
Last night, the speaker also shared with us about John Wesley's mother. She had 19 children...count them 19! She had trouble finding time to spend alone with the Lord, so she would go into the kitchen and put her apron over her head...and there she would spend time praying and seeking God's face. Can you imagine! But, the picture brought tears to my eyes. Those of you that have been to visit me here in Guatemala, know that my bedroom has changed quite a bit over the last year. God has blessed us with different people and the money to make a few renovations. It hasn't been anything major, but it definitely does have a nice comfy atmosphere to it now..perfect for time alone, away from all the distractions...time with my Savior.
Love that is lasting is the kind of love that doesn't fade out...it isn't the kind that uses all the oil right at the beginning and eventually just burns out...it is constant...it keeps going through all the mountains and valleys. I love my Lord...but I don't love Him as I once did. But, today is different...and thankfully my Father lovingly accepts me back everytime. Right now my heart just beats thinking of it.
"Oh Jesus thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me and longing to know me more and for me to know you more. Thank you that all my heart could ever desire is found only in You. I am Yours...wholly Yours, always and forever..."
I have been thinking about it lately. I remember my first years walking with the Lord very vividly. I LOVED reading my Bible. Seriously, I would spend hours and hours reading and just soaking up every word of it. I remember the first time I read 1 and 2 Samuel and then later 1 and 2 Kings. I had always heard that the Old Testament was kind of boring, but my heart just came alive reading the stories...some of faithfulness and some of pure disobedience. It was while reading those books that I decided that I would name one of my boys Josiah...first or middle name it didn't matter, but someday I was going to name one of them Josiah after King Josiah. I also remember how Hannah's struggles to conceive and her faithfulness after she had Samuel so touched me. Oh there was so many nuggets to discover! I was so excited, and I just couldn't get enough of it. I can remember vividly sitting one day on my bed reading and reading (in 1 Kings) and it was time to go...I just didn't want to stop. I was desperate to get back home and finish. Then, after reading for hours, I would spend more time journaling...filing pages with all of God's truth and all the little insights He gave me. I still have tubs full in KC of those journals.
Somewhere along the line, though, I am sad to admit that passion and just yearning for God's Word faded a bit. Last night at our women's meeting, we were talking about this very thing. The woman sharing was taking us through Song of Solomon...not the whole book but layers of love...the "etapas" or stages it passes through. I was broken as I realized how my love for my God...my husband, my beloved, my lover has wained a bit the last few years. I could probably say at first that it is because I am much busier now, and I have more things trying to steal my time each day...and if I said these things, they would be true. But, I know that deep down the reason for this change is that I have allowed vain things of the world to fill gaps that my Husband, my Lord is longing to fill. Instead of being in the world but not of the world, I have been trying to walk the fine line between the two. Much of this happened I believe as I battled through homesickness this past year. I allowed trivial things to give me that quick fix of home...movies, TV shows on DVD, music. When I think back to those early years of knowing Christ, I didn't spend much time at all doing any of those things. I used the free time I had with Him. I am not saying that music, movies, and TV are bad in and of themselves...but for me, they have been robbing me...robbing me of time, robbing me of passion, robbing me of true contentment.
Last night, the speaker also shared with us about John Wesley's mother. She had 19 children...count them 19! She had trouble finding time to spend alone with the Lord, so she would go into the kitchen and put her apron over her head...and there she would spend time praying and seeking God's face. Can you imagine! But, the picture brought tears to my eyes. Those of you that have been to visit me here in Guatemala, know that my bedroom has changed quite a bit over the last year. God has blessed us with different people and the money to make a few renovations. It hasn't been anything major, but it definitely does have a nice comfy atmosphere to it now..perfect for time alone, away from all the distractions...time with my Savior.
Love that is lasting is the kind of love that doesn't fade out...it isn't the kind that uses all the oil right at the beginning and eventually just burns out...it is constant...it keeps going through all the mountains and valleys. I love my Lord...but I don't love Him as I once did. But, today is different...and thankfully my Father lovingly accepts me back everytime. Right now my heart just beats thinking of it.
"Oh Jesus thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me and longing to know me more and for me to know you more. Thank you that all my heart could ever desire is found only in You. I am Yours...wholly Yours, always and forever..."
