Choosing all life and not just one...

Planned Parenthood.

Abortion.

Fetus.

Tissue.

Baby.

Life.

Pro-Choice.

Pro-Life

Edited.

Not Edited.

These are just some of the words that I have seen floating around social media these days in regards to the Planned Parenthood videos that have been released.  I have been reading, praying, and talking with people in my circle of influence about it, but up until this point I refrained from publicly saying anything on the subject.

I guess there are several reasons for that.  The first being I wanted to be better informed before allowing my emotions to just provide a trigger response to it all.  Secondly, I don’t like to use social media to engage in conversations that should be left for intimate conversation.  It has nothing to do with me not wanting to stand up for what I believe to be true or right or just whatever.   It is me saying that I love and care about the people God has placed in my life enough to discuss things that I know are going to have an immediate impact on them in person.  I don’t want to throw statements around on Facebook and hope that they have been interpreted in the way that I meant them.  No thanks. I am just not into that game.  I would just as soon delete all of my social media accounts then to allow it to become the means that I have my most intimate conversations and/or share some of my deepest and innermost thoughts and opinions.

But this time, I feel like I have to speak out.  In this case, we aren’t talking about something that I can just wait until I have a chance to talk to each and every one of my Facebook friends face to face and finally discuss this issue.  That’s never going to happen.  Additionally, this topic is super close to my heart…it is one of the things I honestly feel the most passionate about, so I know that I must speak out.  Regardless if you agree or disagree with me, I am going to be bold and tell you why I think both sides of this issue need to slow down and think very clearly before proceeding.

So here goes nothing…

I am pro-life.  Always.  And before you start asking me if I am pro-life in every situation like the death penalty or war or anything like that, let me just ask you to stick to the topic.  When I say, pro-life, most of you know that I am using that phrase in regards to the act of abortion.

I believe that every single life conceived inside the womb deserves to have life outside of it as well. 

Every.single.time.

What about rape?  Should the woman be forced to carry a baby born of a monstrous act? 

Yes.

What about incest?  What about cases of young girls being forced to have babies conceived from ongoing child molestation by a father or brother or uncle? What about them?

Yes. Them too.

What about babies that are going to die anyway?  What about the ones that will never make it past birth? 

Still Yes.

Every time, I believe that life should be given. 

Now before you all throw your arms up in anger or start sending me hate messages, please at least give me the chance to finish sharing some things. 

I know people born under every single one of those scenarios.  I know actual people that have been born as result of rape, incest, and after mom was told that the baby would never make it after birth.  These are real life people who are now living breathing adults or in some cases, children, that would not exist if abortion under any of the above cases had been an option for their mother. 

I have changed diapers for these unwanted ones. I have held their hands. I have pushed them on the swing. I have fixed their hair.  I have sat with them and talked. I have made them cookies.  I have laughed with them.  I have seen their faces and locked eyes with them.  I have heard their hearts beat. 

I can’t imagine life without any of these individuals. I can’t.  My life has been richer and fuller and just better because of them. 

And the thing is theirs has too...because they were given the gift of life when someone else wanted to snatch it away. 

But what about the mom?  Doesn’t she have rights too?  Doesn’t she count?  What about her pain? 

I want to tell you the story of a young girl that I knew once.  She was 11 years old when I met her…just a few months away from giving birth.  She was pregnant with her father’s baby. I met her shortly after she was rescued from this situation.

This young girl loved to play with dolls.  She loved to ride her bike.  She was shy but had a bright smile. I was certain that during her pregnancy she was really quite oblivious to all that was happening to her.  She just continued with what she always knew.  We knew already that there was a very good chance her baby was going to be born prematurely but also with some pretty significant health issues.  We tried to prepare as best as we could but it was hard knowing for sure what to expect. 

The day came for her baby boy to finally come into this world, and as expected he was immediately rushed off to the intensive care unit of the hospital.  Thankfully even though we knew that his chances of survival at the time were slim, we had received many donations so that he could be cared for in one of the top hospitals in the country. 

While he fought for his life, with doctors caring for him round the clock, his mama came back home to us.  She, of course, had changed.  She still had a bright smile, but she was much more scared too.  She couldn’t keep denying her situation anymore.  She had to face the reality. 

And she was in pain.  Deep pain caused by her swollen breasts and the toll that giving life to her baby had caused on her own body. 

I was only a few months out of experiencing this myself.  I had just a few months earlier given birth for the first time.  When I heard she was back home, I immediately went over to her house to see her, armed with my breast pump, cream, and every other oil, ointment, etc. that had been helpful to me in those first few weeks and months.

I entered into the dimly lit room and she was laying on her bed, silent tears streaming down her face.

“It hurts so much,” she tells me.

“I know honey. It does hurt so much.”

“Will it go away soon?  Will it stop hurting soon?” she asks.

“It will.  But the doctor says that what your baby needs the most right now is your milk.  That is why you are hurting so much too.  You are full and the milk needs to come out. It will hurt at first but it’s going to make you feel so much better.  And your baby needs it,” I tell her.

“Okay. I will try then.”

It takes some maneuvering but we finally are able to start getting milk out. She winces in pain but she keeps pressing on.  I am surprised by her tenacity. 

I give her some more advice on using the machine but also just on caring for herself. I promise to come back the next day.  I had barely hit the door to leave when the tears starting coming fast down my face.  I ran down to my house and just went straight into my room and openly sobbed into my pillow. 

“Why God! Why!  Why is this sweet girl having to experience this?! It’s not fair.  It’s not right.  This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.”

I would be lying if I told you I experienced some sort of epiphany in that moment.  I didn’t.  But, I just started fervently praying for this sweet girl and her baby.  I didn’t understand. I couldn’t make sense of it, but I had to just trust God’s plan for this girl and for her baby.

That little baby did make it.  He is a toddler now. I haven’t seen him or his mama in a long while, but I know that while the road wasn’t always easy, she loved her baby and he loved her. 

Life was given.  Life is being lived.

So no matter the story, no matter the background, no matter the narrative, I will always be for life.  I think every baby conceived deserves that chance.  This story and so many others like this one make me more convinced of that every day. 

BUT...and there is a big BUT…

The lives of these women matter too.  And to pretend any different…to treat the women that have had abortions in the past or considering one currently as if they are nothing but heartless murders is incredibly wrong also.

No I may not agree with their decision. I may not think it is right but they are also real people with real hearts and real situations that are sometimes incredibly heartbreaking and almost impossible.  I will not stand here and judge what I don’t know.

I have only been pregnant 2 times.  Both of those times I got pregnant after “trying” to so to speak.  I was married. I wanted to have a baby.  Both of my babies from what the doctors could tell even in the womb were going to be born healthy and normal and without any serious health conditions.  With the exception of some serious and insane all day sickness, my pregnancies were as close to the ideal as possible. 

So who am I to say to a woman, whose circumstances are completely opposite to those that I experienced, that she is wrong to consider abortion?  Of course, I don’t think that is the answer and never should be, but does it make her a horrible person because she feels like it is her only option? 

No it doesn’t. 

What she needs is someone to walk with her…someone to take her by the hand and go with her.  Pray with her.  Go to her doctor’s appointments with her.  Cry with her if need be.  Help her find a job or a place to live.  Help her sign up for Medicaid or something like that if she needs it.  Do research for her.  Do something with her and for her.  But don’t just sit back and judge.  Don’t give her some lecture about safe sex or about abstinence.  Don’t tell her she is wrong or horrible or anything like that. 

Give her a better option.

And so this is the point in the Planned Parenthood conversation that things get really sticky for me.  I am absolutely positively HORRIFIED by what these videos have shown.  The most recent one especially about the brain being cut out of a LIVE BABY just made me sick.  I just can’t comprehend why anyone would ever, ever think that this kind of practice is okay.  It’s just absolutely gruesome and heartbreaking to me. 

However, while I think that any organization that practices anything similar to this should be shut down, I also think that it would be incredibly careless of us to protest for the shutting down of Planned Parenthood WITHOUT also coming up with some serious alternatives for all of the other care that thousands of women are receiving daily at different Planned Parenthood clinics throughout the US.   Many if not all of the women walking into Planned Parenthood for any service are doing so because they have not received the help, care, assistance they needed elsewhere.  

So what about them?  Are we going to fight for the life of the unborn and forget all about the life of the one already born?  Doesn’t she matter too? 

She matters to me.  I hope she matters to you too.

I don’t have the answers. I really don’t. But, I am begging God to show me.  I want to advocate for the life of the unborn child. Yes, of course I do and will continue to do. I want to fight for his/her life.  I want to because, as I mentioned above, there are so many amazing human beings in my life that would not exist had abortion been an option for their mothers.  And besides that, I believe only God has the right to take life away as He is also the only Giver of life.

BUT, I also want to advocate for women…and especially women who are hurting and broken and confused and feel like they are without hope and that their situation is completely impossible.  I want to advocate for them too. I want to fight for them too. 

So church what are you going to do?  How can we fight for both?  How do we stand in the gap for both? 

I encourage you to take some serious time as a family, as a church family, as a community on your knees in prayer and maybe even in fasting.  It is horrific what is happening.  It’s devastating but lets not bring more shame on these women.  Let’s not put more burdens on them.  Let’s instead come alongside of them.  Let’s be a friend, a sister, a brother, a family, a safe haven for them.  We cannot pretend to know what they are experiencing and/or have experienced.  We can’t.    

Friends lets pray.  Let’s pray and plead and cry out as we never have before.  God has overcome.  He is the Victor.  Darkness will not last. Light will prevail.  But, we need to be wise.  Wise in how we speak and how we walk during this time…wise even in how we go to battle. 

If you want to choose life, please choose every life.