Hear.See.Know

My grandparents have been married for over 60 years…60 years.  They have withered many storms together…experienced many highs and many lows, but they have walked together for 60 years.  Pretty cool I must say.

Do you know what else?  They have to be touching each other when they sleep.  Like one of them always has their hand on the other ones back or shoulder or they cuddle or whatever.  But, they always have to be touching in some way. 

Some of you probably think “oh how romantic.”  I gotta tell you when they told me that, I told them I thought it was so weird! (Love you grandma!)

My hubby and I aren’t particularly touchy.  I mean we hold hands and hug and kiss (according to my 4 year old daughter as repeated to my mother in law, we kiss a lot and for a long time).  But, we aren’t just one of those overly affectionate couples.  And, at night time we aren’t cuddlers.  Usually we start falling asleep with one of us hugging the other one and then within about ten minutes we naturally both move to our side of the bed.  We like our space what can I say!

But, Monday night a strange thing happened.  We fell asleep like normal but within about an hour of having fallen asleep the baby started kind of fussing, so I woke up to listen.  When I kind of came to, I realized that Hubby was still hugging me.  He, while still half asleep, asked me what was wrong.  I told him that I was cold.  He then pulled up the cover and kind of tucked me in and then kissed me on the shoulder.

Small little tears stung the corner of my eyes.  

I was exhausted. That particular day was a really hard ministry day for us. But for that brief moment in time, all the troubles that we had face the day before melted away, and I felt so cherished and just known.  Does that make sense?  It was like even half asleep my husband knew me, knew my need, and just met it.  I was cold, yes, but the way he tenderly tucked me in and then kissed my shoulder was just almost more than I could bear.

You see ministry life is hard.  

Don’t get me wrong. I feel so incredibly grateful to be chosen by God to do what I do. 

 But, it is hard.  

And it is really lonely…

I don’t mean lonely because I am a missionary and live far away from my family.  It is lonely because of the kind of work that we do.  I am betting that pastors and pastors’ wives and counselors and social workers and probably even public service men and women…and the list goes on…feel the same way.  

It is lonely.

And lately I have felt that more than ever. 

Because even though I may not need that touchy feely kind of relationship with my hubby that some women need, I still crave intimacy.  I yearn to be known.  I desire to be seen.  I long to be heard.

And I haven’t felt those things in a while.

Because the thing about life in ministry is you are [supposed to be] always giving, always listening, always available, always cheerful, always patient…. You give and you do and you give some more and do some more.  You are always on the side of the helper or healer or counselor or friend.  It isn’t always a reciprocal kind of thing. 

I am not complaining. It probably sounds like I am but I am not.  

One thing I have known to be true since I was very little is that those that have, need to give.  We can’t keep it all for ourselves.  So I give, and I do it joyfully.  Yes I am here because God called me here but I am also here because I want to be here. 

I want all these beautiful children and young adults here to be heard. I want them to be seen. I want them to be known.  I have had that in my life so I want to give it back to them.  

But the truth is…

I want that too.

I want to be known. I want to be seen. I want to be heard.  

And the thing about being in ministry with your spouse is you don’t feel like you can just let loose with them the same way.  There are nights like Monday night that I knew my husband went to bed just as exhausted and fatigued and probably even a little empty as I did.  I, however, being the talkative woman that I am, wanted to just unload on him. I wanted to release everything I had been holding in throughout our over 15 hour work day.  But I knew it wasn’t fair to burden him with it when he needed time to recharge his batteries too. He needed to just be quiet.  He needed to rest and to sleep. 

I needed to be heard. 

I think that is why those tears came so quick and so strong during that night.  He was asleep…I know this because when I asked him the next morning about it, he had absolutely no recollection of the “tender moment” we shared.  But, even in his slumber, he knew me…he saw me…he heard me…and he met my need for intimacy. 

I don’t have the answers today. 

I don’t have something super profound to share.  I guess this is just me unloading into the cyber sphere.  Sometimes it is much more cathartic than just writing on a paper no one will ever see.

But, I do want to leave you with this.

Those that are in ministry are no better or no greater or no more holy than those who are not in ministry.  We all have people pulling at us…needing us…looking for us…asking us to stop what we are doing to be there for them. 

But I am guessing that there are people around you that need to be seen…that need to be heard…that need to be known.  Don’t assume just because he/she is always in the position of doing that for others that he/she also has it all together and no longer has that need.  Reach out.  Listen.  Stop.  Show grace.  Be compassionate. Give a hug. Let someone know that they aren’t alone.  

Hear. See. Know.

Someone needs that today. 

And I am betting you could do it.