My name is Sara. What is yours?
There are a myriad of things I could be doing right now (and
probably should be doing) but I wanted to take advantage of the quiet, the
sunshine, and the delicious cup of coffee to clear my head and make sense of
all that has been happening in our lives these last few months. I have felt so much like Mary lately. In Luke 2, right after Jesus was born and the
shepherds had come to visit, it says in verse 19, “But Mary treasured up all these
things, pondering them in her heart.” I have been doing lots of treasuring and
pondering, but today I wanted to do a little sorting.
These last few months have been some of the hardest
spiritually that I have ever experienced.
Everything in my circumstances has challenged my faith. I have felt numerous eyes look upon my family
and me and even if they haven’t said it with their mouths, inside they were
definitely saying, “These cats are crazy!”
I even told one of my dear friends here one day, I feel like I am
walking that fine line between “living radically for the Lord” and just being
flat crazy. I have questioned the Lord. I have even been angry with Him at
times. But, I have also praised Him and
sent up many, many prayers and songs of thanksgiving. But, the battle has been fierce. It has been strong. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. I wanted to just wake up and for everything
to be in its rightful place and for all to be well.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not at all trying to make my circumstances
and experiences bigger or worse than what they are. My point is just that spiritually speaking, I
have struggled. I have battled. I have doubted instead of trusted. I have fretted instead of praying. I have chosen anger and feeling sorry for
myself instead of being thankful.
But, last week I felt like the clouds lifted a bit. It was like the fog was clearing away and the
sun was beginning to peak through. What
was once nothing but confusion started to have meaning.
Saturday night I was up late talking with someone very dear
to me here in Guatemala. We have chatted
quite a bit lately actually, but on Saturday she told me she had something that
she had wanted to share with me for a while but hadn’t had the
opportunity. I figured it was something
related to another big life event that was happening with her, so I was just
kind of focused on that. But, this is
what she says to me instead…
“I just wanted to tell you that I don’t
think it is an accident that your name is Sara.”
In my mind, I am thinking, “Well of course it isn’t an
accident, my mom always wanted to name her firstborn daughter Sara, so not so
much an accident.” But, I remained
quiet. She continued.
“I mean I know it wasn’t an accident but I
just think that the Lord really wanted your name to be Sara. I think He wanted you to be named Sara after
Abraham’s wife Sara.”
I can be a little dense sometimes, so I am totally not
following where she is going with this.
I am trying to be encouraged as she seemed to feel an urgency to tell me
this and for me to understand, but I just really wasn’t following.
“I think God wanted you to be named Sara
because you are going to have many children.”
Stop right there.
This girl ain’t having a bunch of children. I can barely keep up with the three I
have. I admire all those mamas with
their full houses, but I am just not seeing it happening here. Unless of course we really want to do crazy…cause
I can show you crazy.
“I don’t mean that you are physically going
to have a lot of children. I think you
are going to be like Sara in that you are going to be the mother of many
generations. God is going to use you to
be a mother to so many that will never have a mother of their own”
Silence. I couldn’t
speak. Tears are starting to fill up my
eyes.
“He really is already doing it. But, I just don’t think you have any idea
what is still to come. God gave you the
name Sara because you are going to be a mother to more children, teenagers, and
even young adults than you can even imagine. I really think you just need to
get ready. God is going to use you like
that. I am sure of it. That is why your name is Sara.”
Okay cue the waterworks.
It was just too much.
For the last six months, I have fought and fretted and stressed and cried
and gotten angry. I have questioned the
Lord. I have asked Him, “Why did you
pick us? Why do we have to do this? Isn’t there someone else?” And, then in one short conversation, it all
became clear.
I moved to Guatemala with the desire to serve and love the
motherless, the fatherless, the abandoned, and the sick. This was my vision. It was my calling. It was
why I was here. But, for some reason, it
is like I always saw my role here as just another one of many who had dedicated
their lives to the same thing. I didn’t
really understand that God wanted to use me…Sara…for something unique.
Please hear me. I am
not trying to put myself up on some pedestal.
I am no more unique or special than the next girl. But, for some reason I saw my work here in
Guatemala with the same way that I always viewed my very name…ordinary. Sara was an ordinary name. Ask any of the other “Sara’s” from my generation
and I bet they will tell you the same.
We were one of many. In
elementary school instead of being called by only our first name, we got the “special
privilege” of being called by our first name and first initial of our last
name. Whoopee.
Ordinary. That is
honestly the way I have always viewed my name, myself, my ministry, and pretty
much everything about me. So the fact
that this dear friend of mine used my very name…the very essence of why I
always felt ordinary to tell me how God was going to use me here in Guatemala…well
let’s just say it rocked my world.
No, I am no more important than the servant next to me. God is using her in a mighty way too. But, it is unique. It is one of kind. How He is using me isn’t the same as how He
is using her. My God is extraordinary,
and in His eyes so am I. He wants to do
much, much more in my life than just “ordinary.”
Guess what, friend?
You aren’t ordinary either. Maybe
you are a stay at home mama. Guess what,
Mama? You aren’t ordinary. God sees you!
He values what you are doing, and in His book, you are a Rockstar
Mama! Maybe you are sitting at a desk,
inside a small cubicle, in an office building filled with hundreds of others
also sitting at desks, inside of small cubicles. You aren’t just one of many. You are one of kind! You are unique! You are unmatched. There
is not one like you.
This isn’t about making much of ourselves. This is about making much of our God who
doesn’t make ordinary. His specialty is extraordinary,
one of a kind, exceptional. So stop
looking at what you do, whatever it is you do, as ordinary. It isn’t ordinary. God is doing a work in you that doesn’t look
anything like the work He is doing in the one next to you.
This I know to be true.
Since the moment my friend shared these words with me, I have been
living my life differently. I think
since I thought I was ordinary and my work here was ordinary, I didn’t feel
much urgency. If I didn’t do it, oh
well, I am sure someone else would come along and do it. But, now I see that God wants to use me,
SARA, in a way that is new and fresh and completely and utterly different than
any other Sara on this planet. I am not just one of many. I am one completely loved and cherished by
the only ONE that matters. He sees me. He knows me.
I am His. And, I am not ordinary.
“Oh Lord, you have searched me
and known me! You know when I sit down
and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and
are acquainted with all my ways. Even
before a word is on my tongue, behold, Oh Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay
your hand upon me….For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in
my mother’s womb. I praise you for I am
fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very
well”
Psalm 139:1-5,13-14
