Learning, studying, and becoming a parent

Okay so I am really on a roll now...two posts in one week! I am definitely making a comeback now! Look out world here I come..

So one of my family's favorite anecdotes is one revolving around Christmas 1990...wow that seems like such a long time ago! I was a bright-eyed third grader and my sister was the always outgoing and crazy first grader. It was Christmas morning and my sister woke up to find her very own mini band set...a guitar, an amp, and a microphone. She always had dreams of being a rocker. She was jamming in the background, singing as loud as she possibly could a song made up as she went along and there I am on the couch...slowly opening a very heavy, but not too large package of my own. Then the squeals of delight can be heard even over my sister's jam session. What was in that lovely package of mine you ask? A dictionary. It was a bright red, thick Webster's Dictionary. I was elated. Seriously, my parents might as well have given me a million dollars for all the excitement that ensued. I then proceeded to ask my parents to start giving me words...any word...I wanted to bust out the dictionary. They gave me the word diamond. I can still remember that.

What is the point of this anecdote you ask...besides just showing how dorky I really was?? Well, it is to say that I have always been a lover of learning. I loved school. I would check the mailbox faithfully every day during the month of August just to find out who my teacher was going to be in elementary school. I can still remember projects, dissections, or even just papers from Middle School. I still talk to many of my teachers from High School, and I still have notes from lectures in college. I love studying. I love learning. And, well I am not ashamed to admit that I love school. I guess that is why I always wanted to be a teacher. I never wanted to leave school, and even though I knew a teacher was already supposed "to know everything," deep down I realized it was just an act. Teachers get to keep learning just like the students do...and it is even more fun because they get to learn right along with their students.

I would say one of the hardest parts about coming here to Guatemala was giving up my dream of being a teacher. I can remember the night I cleaned out my beautiful 4th grade classroom. When I came home, my dad asked me, "How did it feel to give up the keys to your dream tonight?" I, of course, acted completely unaffected by the whole thing because I was trying to convince them (and probably a little bit of me too) that I was strong and ready to leave behind everything that I had ever loved to become a missionary in Guatemala. Now don't get me wrong, I am 100% convinced that I did the right thing. When God calls, if we don't answer with a resounding "YES LORD!" we are going to miss out big time...not to mention having to face all the consequences of living in disobedience, but it was still hard. And, if I am honest, every September, it is still hard. I miss going back to school...as a student and as a teacher.

But, these last few years, months and now especially these last few weeks, I have realized that I am both still a student and a teacher. I am a student of the language and culture here in Guatemala. I am still learning how to minister and love and just inspire children and teenagers that have seen more pain, hurt, and despair than most will ever even experience in a lifetime of watching drama movies or reading the daily newspaper. Now, I am learning what it means to be a parent. Sure, I knew how to change diapers and how to rock a baby to sleep. I knew how to entertain 4 year olds and make fun games out of nothing. I knew how to teach them discipline and responsibility. But, I am still learning how to teach them to be lovers of the Lord. I am still learning how to parent in a way that causes my children to realize that the only thing on this earth that has any lasting value at all is their relationship with Jesus Christ. I am trying to be the example to my daughters (my sweet little baby and my 14 beautiful teenagers that God has entrusted me for this season) of what a godly wife and mother looks like...what a godly woman running hard after the heart of Jesus looks like. I am trying to be the example to my son of what he needs to look for in his future spouse. I am still learning how to be the wife and helpmate that my husband needs. I am still learning how to die to myself every single day. It isn't easy. I am having to play the role of the student and the teacher at the exact same time with the exact same breath.

So even though I am not filling pages of notebooks with notes from some profound lecture, and I am not doing hours of research on some very interesting topic for a paper, and I am not preparing my own lessons and maps and activities, I am still a student, and I am still a teacher, and I am still in school....it just isn't the traditional kind of school. I may not get to pull out a fresh set of school supplies each year, but I get to go to school. I am so thankful for that. I am so thankful that God doesn't just give us all the answers right away. I am so thankful that I get to keep learning each day, and that He has given me this amazing opportunity to be the wife of such a strong, godly man, and the mother of 16 of the absolute coolest kids on the planet.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!